20 Things I wish I was taught in school

  1. How to not drunk text
  2. How to deal with a drunk text
  3. How to make lots of money with minimal effort
  4. Self-love
  5. How to deal with loss
  6. How to handle black tax
  7. How to let go
  8. How to decipher the lyrics of trap music
  9. How a man actively standing trial for rape can become president of a country
  10. How a man who talks about grabbing women by the pussy can become president of a country
  11. How to deal with anti-millennialsm
  12. How to find missing planes
  13. How to speed rap
  14. How to make cannabis flavoured/infused consumer products
  15. How to respond when someone says I love you, when I don’t feel the same
  16. How to discern the truth within a conspiracy theory
  17. How to perform illusionist tricks
  18. How to respectfully tell a superior that their idea is silly and mine is better
  19. How to deal with the overwhelming choice on UberEats
  20. How to drift
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Office flirtation: Do’s and Don’ts 

  1. Definitely do
  2. Keep it light and funny for all. There is a thin line between quirky and creepy – you want to be quirky not creepy
  3. Location, location, location – as in real estate, office flirtation is all about the right time and place
  4. You can look, do not stare, you can compliment but you can’t touch, grope or objectify. Harmless flirtation is very different from sexual harassment! Do not go harassing people in the name of harmless flirtation
  5. When asked to stop, do so immediately and apologize profusely for causing any discomfort
  6. Puns, ambiguity and wit are your best friends – use them endlessly…unless you are flirting with someone who takes things literally, in which case stop immediately cause you won’t be able to keep it light and funny for all, thus running the risk of coming across as creepy not quirky
  7. Say something without saying something – read between the lines flirtation is a timeless classic
  8. Don’t forget you are here to work, not flirt
  9. Have very clear boundaries and lines, you don’t want a little harmless flirtation causing you trouble at work or home. If you suck at this, just leave the flirting to the pros and stay focused on your excel spreadsheet.
  10. I reiterate that you must keep it light and funny for all, a good harmless flirt is light and funny enough for all to enjoy

THE PURPOSE BEHIND YOUR PAIN WILL PIVOT YOU TO PROGRESS

I have been thinking a lot about adversity, not just the idea of overcoming adversity but particularly trying to gain a deep understanding of the adversity in my life and the big idea behind it all. Honestly speaking I wanted to understand “why me”, I was seeking a deep to the core understanding of my purpose, my gifts, my talents and how the adversity would help me become a bigger, brighter, better version of myself.

Through that thought process I came to the realization that the only reason I keep getting knocked down is because I keep getting back up – if I didn’t keep getting back up I wouldn’t still be getting knocked down. The problem, however, is that it’s not in my nature to stay down, so I keep getting back up and because of that I keep getting knocked down and getting back up a stronger, better, wiser person.

I think this speaks to the cyclicality of life, that you are not necessarily doing it wrong or right for that matter, if you find yourself having to deal with one roadblock after another, one jab after another and it feels like you are living to survive versus living to thrive. The fact of the matter is that everytime you get back up, you expose yourself to the possibility of getting knocked back down.

I am sure you are familiar with the popular saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” but in the words of Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory – “…there are many things that don’t kill you but can leave you weaker…”, be it emotionally, physically, mentally or financially. The truth however, is that “it” not killing you is not a matter of luck, chance or coincidence, it is a decision you make, you decide not to die, you choose not to let “it” kill you. When you decide to survive whatever tried killing you, you need to be aware of the fact that the blows that will come in future will be harder, faster and more painful than ever before and through it all you must remember that you have the power to overcome whatever you are going through by not letting it kill you, destroy you or turn you into someone you don’t want to be.

Don’t let your pain be in vain – in the words of Eric Thomas “you already in pain, use it to take you to the next level”. Find ways to use your pain as a never ending source of fuel in the journey of turning your dreams into reality.

Jeff Bezos once said “risk is a necessary component of progress”, and as I have journeyed through life discovering the truth of this statement I have come to understand that truthfully speaking pain and progress are 2 sides of the same coin and that you can’t have one without the other.

Now I am sure this is not the first time you have heard someone talk about the importance of using your pain to drive you forward, however what most people forget to mention is that there is a third piece between pain and progress, a piece that links the two together harmoniously. That third piece is purpose, because what gives your pain progress is purpose, without purpose your pain is in vain, it doesn’t serve you, or your community. Pain for the sake of pain is overrated and useless, don’t fool yourself into believing that the more pain you endure the more successful you’ll be in the end, that’s a highly inaccurate understanding of the power of your pain. In order to draw power from your pain, you must have purpose and that will unlock the progress – it is the purpose behind your pain that will pivot you to progress.

So with everything you do, every adversity you overcome ensure to have a purpose that goes beyond the “work in progress” that is the pain to the “end result” that is the progress. Keep in mind that there will always be something you or your timeline didn’t see coming (BREXIT, Trump, Steinhoff etc) and there is nothing more painful and hard hitting than a punch you didn’t see coming, but because it’s not in your nature to stay down, you keep getting back up and thus expose yourself to more jabs and uppercuts.

Through all the pain that will come your way, remember to stay true to your purpose because it is your blueprint, it will be your reason for getting back up again. When you lose your purpose, you lose your will to continue and your pain will overcome your progress. So in all that you do stay true to your purpose because the purpose behind your pain will pivot you to progress.

THE TRUTH ABOUT SELF-LOVE

Over the past 2 years self-love has been a priority topic in both my personal and professional life, purely because the last 2 to 3 years has been a roller-coaster ride where more often than not I was the only one declaring love as well as all things and energies that come with love to myself. So from necessity of survival I have grown a lot in the area of self-love, most notably over the last 3 months this love has switched gears and become a more unapologetic, unconditional, unequivocal, unrivaled and honest love of myself and the person I am investing in becoming not only for myself but for the benefit of my family, friends and community at large.

It excites me to see myself growing from within and having my validation, worth, value and joy come from deep within myself, not anybody else. That’s the most powerful thing about radiating energies of self-love, you begin to own more and more of the elements that make up your life and give you true joy, because they are sourced from you and not anyone or anything else, and furthermore the elements that you have little to no control over begin to have less and less of a hold on you as you step into a dimension where you own more and more elements of your life.

Once you’ve got self-love you realise just how much of your character is made up of elements that are not directly sourced from within yourself, and when you move out of that dimension you realise just how much of an add-on everybody else’s opinion of you and input to you is. Be it good or bad, positive or negative, its surplus to what you already have going on within you and that’s an extremely liberating feeling because then you realise just how powerful you are and that nobody can steal your joy.

At this point I feel the need to add a caveat by saying don’t mistake being self-centered/self-involved with self-love, the 2 are worlds apart. If you want to decipher where a person falls just look at the way they interact with the people and things around them. Don’t just listen to what they say with their words but listen to their hand gestures, tone, facial expression, syntax, when, where and how they choose to speak and look at the way they do things not just what they do. I am a major advocate of self-love not self-centeredness or self-involvement or selfishness.

Now, self-love is all good and well as an ideology, a hashtag if you like, but how do you make this come alive tangibly in your life – how do you get to be “truly, madly, deeply” in love with yourself.  I don’t have all the answers and that scares and excites me at the same time, but in my experience of prioritizing this topic in my life I have found that there are 4 pillars to self-love, each of which moves you one step closer to self-love.

The 4 pillars of self-love are as follows:

1. Self-Awareness

This is all about living a conscious and woke life. It’s about living life in such a way that you are intentional and proactive not accidental and reactive. You must be aware of the life you are living and the various push and pull factors that influence you and your life in a particular direction.

2. Self- Reflection

This is about internalizing your consciousness to get a better understanding of the why and how of you and your life. You must make time to reflect on your actions, decision, thoughts and feelings in order to gain a deeper understanding of why things happen the way they do in your life, and how to replicate the desired outcomes but deviate from undesired outcomes.

3. Self-Knowledge

This is the result of self-awareness and self-reflection because now you know the who, what, why and how of yourself. At this point you know exactly what you are dealing or working with, or at least you have a better idea of it. You know your triggers, influences, behaviours, patterns, habits and the reasons behind all of it. You are now and open book to yourself (you’d be surprised how many people are strangers to themselves).

4. Self-Acceptance

At this point you either like or dislike what you now know to be your true self, your naked, bare, excuse-less self, but however you feel about it, it is important to accept it. From there you now have the power to amplify what you like or nullify the things you dislike. The key here is acceptance of yourself because you can’t amplify or nullify what you don’t accept as truth.

Post pillars 1 to 4 you get into the self-love paradigm, a world where you are genuinely in love with yourself and can’t imagine being anybody else or having any other story than the story you have. Once you start living in the self-love paradigm you draw your worth, value and joy from within and you externalize it in such a way that it spreads love to all those you interact with.

So if self-love is something you are struggling with or looking to continue growing in, I would recommend you take a step back and use these 4 pillars to date yourself, ask yourself honest questions and give honest answers and allow yourself to experience yourself free of judgement.

Pillars 1 to 4 are key to getting to a place and space of self-love because you can’t love something you don’t accept, you can’t accept something you don’t know, you can’t know something you don’t have any background or awareness of. Please note that I said pillars not steps because I don’t believe there is a formula that if applied will have you wake up one day with all the self-love in the world. It is not a process but a journey and we are all on our own journey, constantly striving to become the very best we can be.